Some people might not agree with me, but true love are monogamous. This guy make me feel to this extend to love only him for the rest of my remaining life (sound so corny i know)-where true love are almost a fairy tale in gay world.

I did went out with him early this week and it’s like dream come true. sigh how am i gonna get this crush outta my head. sigh~ i guess you couldnt since he is that hot.

“Teenage Dream” mode :~)

Really, I hate feeling this way. Alone and despair (exaggerating except the alone part). I know we all born alone to this world and some day we’ll live this place alone too.

Damn. I’m just sad, somewhat feels like a pathetic loser. Above all I’m just sad case.

p/s: the only good thing that happen this week is that I finally got my L license…

Last saturday I found an ad in The Star paper that there is vacancy for a geophysics post. Though I’m interested to apply, but I havent do anything yet. Yes I know its a damn opportunity there, but I don’t know whether I’m just procrastinating or simply scared to make a move. To be honest I’m not really confident about it. Not the job, but me myself. Not that I’m lost my confident when it come to an interview – which I believe that I could land any job beside engineering kind of job or govt job. I believe soft skill isn’t my problem. It the hard skill. It been 3 years since graduating (well almost) and my experience is still considered as fresh graduate experience. I swear that if anybody say “Oh your English is good, why you didnt got the job?” I would kill them. Sometimes it still came down to how good you look on paper anyway. That’s how you impresses the hiring manager in the first place, thats how you land the interview in the 1st place as well.

Damn. Back at school, we often said that cable is necessary when it come to find a job. Indeed it is…. Damn why I dont have any cable in oil and gas… It would been easier.

Early this month, my friends and I registering ourself at the nearest gym. It cost us a hundred ringgit for a month plus another 30 for registration fees (what a ripped off). Although I really would mind to spend that much amount of money for something that actually beneficial especially for your health.

While most other guys at my age enjoying their beer-belly-free abs, me on the other hands has been dealing with this beer-belly issue for my whole life (im 26 btw). Its not that I drink a lot of beer since i was a kid, it just that I was one of the fat kid around the corner.

Thanks to the family gene that I’ve inherited, I guess I didnt have much a problem with gaining weight. Losing them is.

Although upon entering adolescence, hence during the time I hit puberty, I lost much of my weight except that around the belly. I’ve noticed that my father has it too, so I guess it kinda in the gene.

To make it worst, I wasn’t that much active when i was a boy, I’m more of a geek I admit minus the computer, gameboy, xbox and everything. (I know not that kind of tech oriented geek). Watching tv was my favourite past time, no doubt im a couch potato.

So back to present, I am kinda excited with my new activities. Previously all that I do was jog around the neighborhood and at the local uni jogging track which is very near to my apartment. But outdoor activities is greatly influence by weather. whether it is rain, or too hot or too hazy to go outside. So I found that going to gym is not a bad idea (though it cost me 100 bucks).

The only problem, time constrain. Working on shift can be frustrating for activities like this. For the past week I didn’t go the gym because of my shift. So this week when I’m back to my morning shift, yesterday to be exact, I went straight to gym after back from work. Working to my heart content.

Ok today I’ve skipped, but i prefer to think of it as resting, to cool off all the muscles that been working out much yesterday. I guess i do need to rest today as I woke up late today! I still can feel the muscle pain around my arms, pecs, abs and leg! but no pain no gain rite. Although it the pain doesnt really bother me now compare to before. i guess i have zero tolerance towards muscle pain before.

Promise myself to go for workout tomorrow. No more skipping. SO yeah this time it is good to be a loser for a change.

You’re a loser, Time to Become a Winner

Time to make big changes and if you want to see big changes in your life then start by making BIG CHANGES. Do something that has tangible results today. Do you have a messy apartment, house, or bed room? CLEAN IT NOW. Clean it Perfectly and don’t stop till it looks like it belongs in home and garden magazine. Do you still live with your parents and you’re 25 or 45? Put together a plan where in 1 year you will have you’re own place and be self sufficient (I would suggest asking your parents for advice, or even better, have them hold your money for you because you can’t save money worth a damn). Also, start getting some sort of therapy or see a life coach. You are really down on yourself about something and you aren’t quite sure what it is. Once you figure it out you will be the type of winner you see yourself as and it will happen a lot quicker then you think! In order to become a better person than you are right now you need to be proactive in moving forward with your life. Find a better job… What ever you do, though, don’t go back to college, because that will give you an excuse to stay in your current situation. Travel somewhere, the simplest trip to someplace other than anywhere near where you live will help inspire you, even if it’s just to spend a few weeks in a new town a few hours away. Time to make something of yourself and there is no better time then now!

Few days ago, I’ve dreamed a flying eagle soaring mightily through the blue sky. According to the dream dictionary it symbolize nobility, pride, fierceness, freedom, superiority, courage, and powerful intellectual ability. It also represents self-renewal and your connection with your spirituality. You will struggle fiercely and courageously to realize your highest ambitions and greatest desires.

And to be honest I’m still clueless of what I’m really wanted to do. What is my personal legend, I’ve still yet don’t know what it is. And not knowing it making it harder to choose which path i should go for. I still don’t know what my dream is.

Earlier today my university mate come down to my work place bringing with him one young little fellas. “My student” he said. He told me that he score 5As in his UPSR and as a present he bring his student jalan-jalan visit Penang. What really captured my heart was that he took my hand and kiss it as a respect gesture to an eldery, a common custom amongst Malay. I really didnt expect that at all.My heart fill with joy tho little bit surprise and felt apreciated. Somehow my tiredness just fade away with his politeness. Mumbling to myself, “Probably this is the rewards of being a teacher.” Seeing the innoncent little guy walking away with my friend has make me wondering, how life would be if I took different direction. A teaching path…. After awhile I’m back into my usual customer cursing world, slowly forgeting that beautiful encounter my friend’s student.

mood: somewhat humble, somewhat tired

song:Christmas songs

current mood: thwarted

current song: none

Which direction??

And thats how I got my bad boy image.